ok dear lets talk. What brought this on?

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WE RULE SHIT- Penn and Teller.

Kill the redhead and take the Wookie instead. ~UltraBeavis

Hey, I love you, Tei. Try to get on MSN and Yahoo as much as you can, and I'll be on as much as I can and we'll talk, ok?

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LA VIE BOHEME!!!

first off, if those videos annoy you, why do you watch theeeem? D:
secondly, let us talk about ways then that would help you better things for yourself. A way to shift your paradigms on this subject as such.

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Dray Von Goff - That crazy purple dragon x3

...
...eeeehhh...this is difficult...
Suicide is a big thing for me...were I to actually type what I think on the subject...well...you wouldn't like me very much (I have some very passionate views)

Normally I wouldn't even breach the subject, I tend to go into "ignore mode" to avoid confrontation, but I like talking to you - hey look! selfish! - and it would make me sad to see you gone -more selfish-. But suicide is selfish too. At the end of the day, all ANYONE cares about is themselves. We live in our own world, our own story where we're the protagonist. And that's okay. There's nothing wrong with that, it just comes with an understanding that other people are going to be that way too.

Nngg...I'm sure I'm just digging a hole here and making things worse...I'm so bad at saying what I think...
So I think I'll do what you did in an earlier post and quote some music that can say it all so much more eloquently than I can...

"They say that Jesus and mental health
Are just for those who can help themselves,
But what good is that when you live in hell on earth?
But the very fear that makes you wanna die
Is just the same as what keeps you alive.
It's way more trouble than some suicide is worth!

Won't it be dull when we rid ourselves of all these demons haunting us to keep us company?
Won't it be odd to be happy like we always thought we're s'osed to feel, but never seem to be?"
BNL - War on Drugs

or more pertinent:

"You can't decide, and they're all screaming 'Why won't you?'
I'll start the engine but I can't take this ride for you.
I'll draw your bath and I'll load your gun,
But I hope so bad that you'll bathe and hunt!"
Streetlight Manifesto - A better Place, A better Time

At the end of the day, it's your life and it's your choice. I have no business telling you what to do. Just know that there are some selfish people out there, who pause in the moments of thinking of themselves to think about you.

....aarrrg...sorry for the long post. I'd better stop anyway, my hands are freaking shaking so much, I can barely type. (told you I had strong feelings...) If this post pisses you off, feel free to delete or ignore, you won't hurt my feelings...just...had to...say...

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"Art is a lie that makes us realize the truth"
~Pablo Picasso

In short, terrible lonliness coupled with some friends making me feel like depression is my fault... like I'm choosing to spend my days miserable.

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\"Never let your schooling interfere with your education\" - Mark Twain

Well they weren't annoying e at first, it was only the last minute or s of the last one that annoyed me (pry didn't help that I read some of the comments on it). Couple that with boredom too...people do strange thing when bored... well...me anyways.

sounds good bro, I'll try and make on on MSN sometime soon... >>; what does "paradigms" mean?

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\"Never let your schooling interfere with your education\" - Mark Twain

No you didn't piss me off or make things worse, it was like a bucket of cold water is all.

*sighs* I really regret this journal, I did hours ago but I had to do some hard chores for my parents, never had time to rush back and apologize or delete it. I feel like I'm the Hulk... or Jekel and Hyde... one moment I'm myself.. the next I'm something else. Honestly this journal was only written because I was feeling useless, I was bored, and I was stewing in how a friend had made me feel like my depression was a choice, was my fault.

In the end of the day, we're the center of our universe. Whether we ike to think of it or not, we're pretty much only looking out for ourselves, even acts of kindness can be seen as things we do for ourselves. Somedays I feel like it's bad for me to feel like I'm the center of my universe, somedays I get mad at others for it... but really, I feel like I was on drugs for going on about it in a bad way.

In the end... suicide *might* happen but for all of it, I'm still some distance from that, thankfully.

X_X I'm sorry, I'm exhausted, mentally and physically... I had to move some large piles of rocks in the heat and then mop a 3 story building, I can't focus enough to type more. Bt I hope my point gets across, and I'm sorry for arrousing any sleeping dogs if I did...

oh, PS, I know suicide afects everyone, that's often the thought that saves me, I don't feel like leaving my parents to clean up the mess...

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\"Never let your schooling interfere with your education\" - Mark Twain

doesn't sound like friends if you ask me. from what i read you don't want to be alone or miseerable so let focus on what to do to change it. what do you enjoy doing during the day?

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WE RULE SHIT- Penn and Teller.

Kill the redhead and take the Wookie instead. ~UltraBeavis

Hey suicide effects everyone close to you whether you like it or not. People just care about you!

You can always note me or yell at me to get on msn.

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^{"Let my unique deaf hands be known!"}